Porter of the House

Lyrics by Marian Partee

Music by Claude-Michel Schonberg (to the tune of “Master of the House” from Les Miserables)

Marian collaborated with Armando Acevedo to turn Shakespeare’s Macbeth into the comedic McBeth! The Musical. The show premiered at the Cal Arts New Works Festival. In “Porter of the House,” the drunken Porter welcomes lords McDuff and McBean into the castle.


Welcome, McDuff. Put down your sword.

Sorry I’m late. Please spare me, my lord.

(McDuff sets down his sword.)

What do you mean, coming so late?

Everyone else could get here by eight.

But I know you’ve had quite a trying trip.

So welcome to the house, soldiers. Where’s my tip?

Porter of the house, slow to get the door.

But he’s awf’lly quick to get himself a whore.

Sadly, he is weak. Porter likes his drink.

When he’s got a woman, whisky makes things shrink.

Though he’s burning with desire,

He just cannot follow through.

He’s gotta pay the whore for all the things she never got to do.

(Enter FULL COMPANY, dancing.)


Porter of the house. What a lazy lout.

Drinking, puking, whoring, snoring layabout.

What atrocious breath!

Never takes a bath.

Goes out late and gambles ev’rything he hath.

But he puts a little humor

Into Shakespeare’s tragic play.

So I guess we’ll keep him.

Drunken porter, we will let you stay.